“We know prenatal depression, stress, and anxiety can predict behavior problems in the child. We can try to fix those behaviors in the kid years later, or we can medicate the child, or we can give pregnant women the support they need in the first place.” —Professor Letourneau
This chapter of The Myth of Normal is about the needs of the pregnant mother and her child, and the affect of those needs not being met on the child’s development and life-long relationships and health. Dr Mate states again the importance of this not being seen as parent-blaming, since the vast majority of parents are doing the best they possibly can with the life they have. Instead:
“My contention—really, the thrust of this whole book—is that our best deserves to be better, and can be if we incorporate the growing body of knowledge now available to us. I aim only to shed light on dynamics our entire culture needs to understand.”
There is a large body of studies and research done in recent years on the importance of support for the pregnant mother and how that support affects the health of the unborn child. Dating back to the 80’s, and continuing to the present, research shows again and again that negative physical and mental experiences for the pregnant mother, with the stress and trauma they induce, have far-reaching consequences in the health of the child.
Dr Mate makes it clear that while this research on the experience of the unborn child can be used as “political fodder for an anti-choice/’pro-life’ view”, that he is in no way denying the right to autonomy for women, and recognizes the suffering and stress the removal of such rights cost. Here in Canada the debate around such topics is almost non-existent except in a handful of strongly religious communities, however I’m aware that most of my readers are American, so I wanted to be sure I communicated Dr Mate’s view on the matter.
Returning to the topic of stress in pregnancy: Researchers have shown that the experiences our mothers go through during their pregnancy—or more accurately the stress and trauma those experiences cause in her—are imprinted into our very cells. Remember the earlier chapter on Telemeres? These are shorter in twenty-five year olds whose mothers were stressed during their pregnancy. In other words, if your mother was stressed while she was pregnant with you, your life is shorter, and you are older than your chronological age—but don’t forget, this is reversable.
The father’s stress is also a factor. This, at first glance seems impossible, after all the mother is connected to the baby physically and perhaps the mother’s experience could mean baby is getting less nutrients and more stress hormones through the umbilical cord. However in one particular study paternal depression was actually associated with a greater risk of extreme premature birth than maternal depression was. This is in a large part because of the lack of support and the greater care burden this situation places on the mother.
Support. This is an important factor in maternal and child care and is often sadly lacking in our western culture. By contrast, tribal cultures treated a pregnant mother and her baby with respect, tradition, rituals, even reverence. Today our culture can be out-right derisive, and is generally unsupportive and hands-off, even when congratulatory.
The woman who has a large support network, a loving and unstressed husband, a tribe of women around her to help her through pregnancy, delivery, and post-partum is very rare in North America.
“A very early factor [in the health of the child] is the stress pregnant women are under—emotional, economic, personal, professional, and social. As the physician and psychoanalyst Ursula Volz-Boers points out, “Intrauterine life is not a paradise as some people try to make us believe. We are the receiver of all the happiness and of all the anxieties and difficulties of our parents.” But of course, even the earliest factor has its own earlier factors: namely, the intolerable pressures contemporary society places on the rearing milieu, the family, and on the developing young—and, as epigenetics teaches us, on the very activation of DNA itself. We need to consider to what extent our culture, including employment and the health care and insurance systems, supports or undermines women’s capacity to hold their unborn infants’ needs as a high social priority.”
I have personal experience with this, as likely most of my readers who are mothers do. For me, I have an interesting contrast between my two children.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I was part of a church community, the oldest daughter of the pastor, with several siblings, sisters-in-law, and close friends. My husband and I were excited and happy, and while he worked full time, I knew he would be taking paternal leave (yes, Americans, that is a thing), and I had already quit my full-time job and was at home for the entire pregnancy, with my mom, friends or sisters visiting often to help prepare for the baby, as well as all the doting old ladies in the church. My first baby (in spite of the hospital experience which is part of next week’s post) slept well, breast-fed well, was content, rarely cried or fussed and those first 9 months of her life were quiet, happy, and relaxed.
When I was pregnant with baby number two, I had a very active, defiant, determined, and adventurous 2 year old, and a husband who worked night shift. We had left that church, moved away, and I was more or less ostracized from my family, with my parents occasionally sending me texts, emails, or snail mail, reminding me that my soul was in jeopardy, and god may very well send his judgement upon my pregnancy or baby. While I can eye-roll that mindset now, at the time—and with all the pregnancy hormones, this was incredibly stressful. I hadn’t yet settled in to our new place, made good supportive friendships, or found my new tribe. Baby number two was fussy, could hardly be put down, needed to be fed several times a night, and was clingy all day. Most of the day I needed to wear him in a baby wrap, or put him in a baby swing. His first year was mostly a sleep-deprived haze for me.
Did these different pregnancies affect my children in ways I don’t have the capacity to measure? Perhaps. Research says they would have. The bottom line is: Pregnant mothers need support; from their partners, their family, and their community.
This brief commentary and the included quotes are only a sample of Dr Mate’s work. I include what stands out the most to me, but there is a lot more. If you’re interested in exploring trauma and emotional healing further, I encourage you to visit Dr Gabor Mate’s website, check out his youtube channel, or read more of his books.