Can Generational Cycles be Broken?

Can we change the trajectory for our family?

This post is a taking a different path than my usual posts, and to be honest, I don’t have any answers to my questions, and other writers may do a much better job than I at unpacking these thoughts and ideas. But the ideas of generational cycles, breaking cycles, creating strength and resiliency within the generations of a family have intrigued me for years.

As a parent, sometimes I feel like I have it all figured out. I’ve done my research, read all the right parenting books and my children will be that perfect, un-scarred, full-potential-realized generation…. and other times, I wonder if I’ve even figured out square one. There’s such a vast picture of human life when we look at generational cycles, that our fixation with trying to perfect ourselves or our parenting techniques sometimes feels like a drop in the ocean of humanity and human nature.

I came across this YouTube clip recently. I had originally found it about a year ago on YouTube, then that version seemed to disappear, but I’ve never forgotten it. It presents a very thought provoking generational cycle. Here it is on YouTube, and below is the transcript of it: Worst Cycle of Life.

“My grandfather walked 10 miles to work everyday. My father walked 5. I’m driving a Cadillac. My son is in a Mercedes. My grandson will be in a Ferrari, but my great-grandson will be walking again.

Wonder why? Because tough times create strong men, strong men create easy times. Easy times create weak men and weak men create tough times.”

I realize the car analogy is only a fraction of the picture of our life, and that everyone’s family is different. Here’s my point of view of where we are in the cycle, and yes, I realize I’m painting with a wide brush here and there are other factors present besides generational cycles, AND there are parents who have done things differently, and whose children are not descending into “tough times” but are making wise decisions.

My great-grandparents went through World War one and the great depression, my grandparents were teens and young adults in World War two. My parents are boomers and I am a Millennial. My great-grandparents went through really tough times, and my grandparents through hard times as well, but most of their adult life was in post WW2, economy booming times, in their older years, they were the ones with the licence plate “Spending my Grandkids Inheritance”. Their children, (my parents) is the last generation that everything in the system worked well for: the education meant a good career and a stable life, retirement savings and comfortable living. Now my generation—the Millennials—begin the descent into tough times again: unaffordable housing, unmanageable debt and student loans, and unaffordable vehicles. This isn’t just because of an external cycle, but we’re not handling this well. We Millennials expect life to be as easy, as comfortable and as predictable as it was for our parents and grandparents generation and when it isn’t, we are bitter and complaining.

So here’s my question: Instead of complaining about how hard life is, or how much we wish things could be different (whether we blame our parent’s generation, or external factors), instead of being bitter, what can we do differently so things get better for the next generation instead of worse (especially if we are Millennials with children)?

“Tough times” are usually considered something to be endured only if absolutely necessary. If tough times are avoidable through entertainment, or other momentary pleasure than they should be avoided at all cost. But the cost is our children. If we just “enjoy our lives” (often on credit) and avoid any self-sacrifice, we only selfishly delay the economic decline of our family to the next generation.

If everything in the external economy continues on its current path and we do nothing to change things for our family, our own children may be renting a one bedroom apartment, needing two incomes to pay that rent, buy groceries, and afford the payments on their vehicle to commute to a meaningless job that they are way overqualified for as they struggle to pay off student debt.

What are the answers to this generational cycle? What exactly can we do differently so that our children are better off than we are, instead of worse? What sacrifices do Millennial parents need to make to stop their own family from descending into poverty? Millennials tend to complain about the decisions the Boomer generation made and the advice they give, leading to the phrase “Ok Boomer.” But my response, as a fellow Millennial is this:

Ok Millennial, what will you do differently?